Stop the Presses!!

*Please be aware this is a rant. If you do not want to be sucked into a negative vortex of words (possible profanity), that may induce anger and frustration exit NOW!*

Reviews! Oh, those sweet, possibly knife slicing 4-5 paragraphs that give readers an inside idea of a book. They're maddening to write at times, as I never want to describe 2 books the same way. It's a challenge and an art, in my humble opinion, to write something constructive and enlightening (too much thought process on this, I know).

What pisses me off though is when people say they'll review something, and then don't. It kills me! Slays me! Don't sign up for the book then. Let someone else review it.

I'm not perfect! I know this, and I know that my time is usually cut short by a million and one other things. Including the fact that I have about 5 minutes to type this and then I need to go to bed. *Growls* But when I'm not on top of my game, I try (with every piece of moral fiber I have) to communicate my potential delay. To make the site owners I'm reviewing for know what is preventing the post.

To be honest, I don't know if other reviewers do this or not. I do know that if you're going to request a book from an author, Netgalley, or a review site owner then you damn well better review it! Don't waste people's time with false platitudes, and bullshit. In general authors and review site owners are very understanding. Hell, we all know that reviewing is a chunk of free time. There's no payment for the online blog reviewer, except the unique opportunity to read a book (possibly) before it's released. *Note: there may be other ways to earn some bucks, but I don't employ them*

Okay, I feel better and I didn't even use my favorite word.

Bottom line: Your word is your bond. In the online universe I can't say it enough. Even a picture of your face doesn't change the fact that what you type into these little boxes, on Twitter, email, or Facebook is ultimately a judge of your character. If you can't honor your word, promises, or commitments in this word-laden space. Then how in the fuck (oops!) can you expect others to rely on you outside of a computer.

*Friendly reminder- I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. But with every mistake I own it, and resolve to make sure it doesn't happen in the future*

Fears! Do you have them?

Ever walk into a room, everyone turns to look at you, silence hangs in the air, and suddenly you feel like you just entered a conversation that secretly had you at the butt end of a joke. No?

How about this one? You stand in a group of 3-4 people. You are talking and enjoying a conversation about random, senseless llama troddle. Then Epiphany strikes and you blurt out the phrase aching to release from your lips. No one in your little group says anything, crickets chirp, and you're left feeling a bigger idgit then you thought you were back when Susie Loosey pulled your hair, and gave you a swirly during Truth or Dare at that sleepover 20-some years ago. No?

Let's just say that those particular situations are usual for me; an everyday occurrence one might say. If they only happened once in a great while then maybe I would believe it to be just a coincidence. But the fact that these situations happen to me all the time leaves only one explanation. I'm odd!

Odd is nice... sometimes. Being odd has provided me with the chance to meet some great people a la Twitter, Blogger, Wordpress, and so on. Though I find that not everyone will stick around after they meet me, the real me. I am naturally a strange creature with different tastes, and moods that swing quickly through the jungle branches.

I'm not making any sense?

I know.

Bottom Line: This year is about learning to love myself, love my writing, and stop letting little pesky emotions like rejection, self conscientious and the overwhelming fear that I am secretly scorned by everyone get me down! I'm gonna learn better grammar. <--- How's that for the first lesson?
I'm devoted to becoming happy with myself.
My new motto: Don't banshee howl about it unless you plan on changing it!
Even then, you should only howl for 10 minutes max because you could lose your voice.
Finally, I'm gonna stop being swayed to act a certain way just to impress others. I'm Landra! You either like me or you don't. Regardless I ain't am not going nowhere anywhere. <--- See? I'm learning something.

Question: What are your inner fears? As a writer? As a person? How do you overcome them?

Email no-no's

I am fore going the email excerpt for this week to talk about email no-no's. When I say '"no-no's" I think of MO from WALL-E, chasing after foreign contaminants.

Now everyone knows the no-no's, but sometimes it's good to have a little refresher course. 

These things are good for any communication that occurs via email. Professional or personal. The insensitive way that we send out our virtual correspondence like text messages or tweets is a little shocking. 

A little background: My family believed in teaching me the beauties of letter correspondence. I was challenged with writing, appropriately addressed and formatted, letters to my various grandparents throughout my childhood. They loved receiving tidbits of info about my thoughts, activities, and applauded my penmanship. This desire to communicate in a socially acceptable, professional format has lasted through the years. When I see one sentence emails with no formal salutation or parting I get a little irked. Thus begins the no-no's.

4.) I have a name. We all receive dozens, if not hundreds, of emails a day. It would me nice if you started that lovely email with my name. It's shocking, I know. Who knew that I would like to actually be acknowledged as the person being gifted with your generous words. Just rambling into an email and copying it to half a dozen people doesn't really help anyone. In fact just because you failed to point out the person who is supposed to receive this information I won't respond....ever!

3.) TAKE YOUR CAPS AND SHOVE IT! I abhor yelling in email fashion. All caps is not a cutesy way to express your feelings unless your pissed off. On that note, you say your professional, but you had to shout at me. Either drop your balls and pick up a phone... or refrain from using this putrid type speak and just communicate in a sensible fashion. It's fairly easy to explain the cause of your distress in a sentence without a Caps Lock attack.

2.) U2. It's a band name, not an actual way to phrase 'you too' unless texting on a phone. Get some common sense and type words not textinese! If you start communicating in a bunch of numbers and letters, then I will just assume that your keyboard has begun to malfunction with a fancy new binary code. I shouldn't have to decipher and decode your incoming message like a Morse code expert. You want me to pay for course in understanding your dilapitated talk? Regardless, I won't take it.

1.) Location, Location, Location. A crazy psycho makes sure they are aware of the target, why can't you. Countless emails I receive provide sentences, but no specific direction to what the person is talking too. Don't email me with something like:

I have the 'insert object'. It's going in the kits and I think it will work.

Okay.... I have no clue. I need to know details. The 5 W's and H would be good, currently you're missing a few. I love the presumption that I have nothing better to do then sit around and think about your particular project or concerns. Out of the sympathy of my heart I will sometimes spend 10 minutes playing 'guess what they're talking about'. After the third time you send me this kind of crap I'm done.

You probably think I am just evil now, but to perfectly honest I'm not. In the world of email, twitter, FB, and texting we tend to forget the common rules of courtesy when communicating. You have to show respect to earn it. Dedication to avoiding the no-no's will also reduce waste of time. Don't get me wrong-- short messages, All Caps, and quick typing have purposes (I guess), but there is a time and place. The time and place is not on your emails to friends, family, bosses, co-workers, agents, and half a dozen others who ache for your words. Save it for the quakadoodles that haunt your phone, wall, or tweet timeline.

Adios and good night!

Monday Monday

That classic song by the Mamas and the Papas says it all. If only the word 'sucks' could have made it into the song. I guess us 9-5ers are naturally programmed to hate Mondays because they bring a close to our glorious weekends.

Though Sundays are officially considered recovery from Party Hearty Fridays and Saucy Late Night Saturdays. I must admit there is no allure to hauling a size 12 butt out of bed at 7am on a Monday morning, throwing that same lusciously plump body into the shower and then attempting to charge around the house for a good 15 minutes gathering the tools needed for the work day. Drive a traffic logged 8-10 miles to work with the other tuna shoved in cans, and then proceed to spend 8 wonderful hours increasing the spread of carpal tunnel of the wrists responding to emails and a variety of other challenging, enjoyable tasks.

I know it sounds wonderful, hence the announcement:

Hear Ye! Hear Ye! From now forth Mondays will hereby be referred to as Wish I Could Stay In Bed Days.
No, scratch that!
If The World Ended I Would Not Care Days.
Nevermind that one either!
I'm stumped, but open for suggestions.

Post your suggestion for the new name of Mondays to the comments.