Email no-no's

I am fore going the email excerpt for this week to talk about email no-no's. When I say '"no-no's" I think of MO from WALL-E, chasing after foreign contaminants.

Now everyone knows the no-no's, but sometimes it's good to have a little refresher course. 

These things are good for any communication that occurs via email. Professional or personal. The insensitive way that we send out our virtual correspondence like text messages or tweets is a little shocking. 

A little background: My family believed in teaching me the beauties of letter correspondence. I was challenged with writing, appropriately addressed and formatted, letters to my various grandparents throughout my childhood. They loved receiving tidbits of info about my thoughts, activities, and applauded my penmanship. This desire to communicate in a socially acceptable, professional format has lasted through the years. When I see one sentence emails with no formal salutation or parting I get a little irked. Thus begins the no-no's.

4.) I have a name. We all receive dozens, if not hundreds, of emails a day. It would me nice if you started that lovely email with my name. It's shocking, I know. Who knew that I would like to actually be acknowledged as the person being gifted with your generous words. Just rambling into an email and copying it to half a dozen people doesn't really help anyone. In fact just because you failed to point out the person who is supposed to receive this information I won't respond....ever!

3.) TAKE YOUR CAPS AND SHOVE IT! I abhor yelling in email fashion. All caps is not a cutesy way to express your feelings unless your pissed off. On that note, you say your professional, but you had to shout at me. Either drop your balls and pick up a phone... or refrain from using this putrid type speak and just communicate in a sensible fashion. It's fairly easy to explain the cause of your distress in a sentence without a Caps Lock attack.

2.) U2. It's a band name, not an actual way to phrase 'you too' unless texting on a phone. Get some common sense and type words not textinese! If you start communicating in a bunch of numbers and letters, then I will just assume that your keyboard has begun to malfunction with a fancy new binary code. I shouldn't have to decipher and decode your incoming message like a Morse code expert. You want me to pay for course in understanding your dilapitated talk? Regardless, I won't take it.

1.) Location, Location, Location. A crazy psycho makes sure they are aware of the target, why can't you. Countless emails I receive provide sentences, but no specific direction to what the person is talking too. Don't email me with something like:

I have the 'insert object'. It's going in the kits and I think it will work.

Okay.... I have no clue. I need to know details. The 5 W's and H would be good, currently you're missing a few. I love the presumption that I have nothing better to do then sit around and think about your particular project or concerns. Out of the sympathy of my heart I will sometimes spend 10 minutes playing 'guess what they're talking about'. After the third time you send me this kind of crap I'm done.

You probably think I am just evil now, but to perfectly honest I'm not. In the world of email, twitter, FB, and texting we tend to forget the common rules of courtesy when communicating. You have to show respect to earn it. Dedication to avoiding the no-no's will also reduce waste of time. Don't get me wrong-- short messages, All Caps, and quick typing have purposes (I guess), but there is a time and place. The time and place is not on your emails to friends, family, bosses, co-workers, agents, and half a dozen others who ache for your words. Save it for the quakadoodles that haunt your phone, wall, or tweet timeline.

Adios and good night!